Gabby413
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Going to be Streaming
1 min read
So, I decided after a few years to finally start streaming again. Here's my twitch account in case anyone is interested: www.twitch.tv/fabulous_gabulou…
I can't promise a consistent streaming schedule because my hours are different every week at work, but I'll keep everyone posted when I am streaming. ^_^ Next stream is probably going to be late Monday morning or early Monday afternoon.
I can't promise a consistent streaming schedule because my hours are different every week at work, but I'll keep everyone posted when I am streaming. ^_^ Next stream is probably going to be late Monday morning or early Monday afternoon.
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Leap of Faith
6 min read
About two and a half years ago, I moved up in my job from part time to full time. At the time it was a huge blessing. Growing up lower class my entire life I was thrilled at the prospect of finally making it to middle class. It was one of the things I wanted most in my life...or so I thought...
Four months into working full time, that's when my issues with anxiety at work began. I was struggling to juggle working on my artwork and writing, as well as working full time. I felt like the job was starting to consume my life. Right after clocking in one day, non provoke I started crying and couldn't stop. I had to be sent home. My supervisor who struggled with anxiety told me I had anxiety and should seek help. Needless to say, I didn't really listen and tried to tackle the issue on my own. I was doing fine at first, until more issues started popping up. I was extremely irritable at work and hated being there. I thought I was just stressed and needed a vacation, but while on vacation the reality hit me that I was depressed (and in denial about it), mainly about work and still struggling to find energy and time to work on what I love. I felt like I was losing my creativity...who I am. On what was supposed to be a fun getaway, my mind went to a really dark place. This time I seriously started seeking help, but it was hard to find a place that would accept me. Most places I looked into either had no openings, only had pediatric behavioral health programs, or only did behavioral health for substance abusers. I just gave up and instead researched on how to cope with anxiety.
Once again, for a while I was doing well. I was even training for a head cashier position. It took me a while to get it because I needed to grow "tougher skin" as my supervisors/managers put it. Then I was going through a roller coaster of ups and downs. I had longer periods of highs, but when the lows hit, they hit harder and harder each time. I was going through a lot of personal stuff, as well as a lot of the coworkers who I was close to and who supported me the most leaving, and drama arising with a couple of new associates (one eventually quit and the other transferred to another store). As well as one of the head cashiers I was closes to and one of my biggest supporters passing away. I was starting to take personal days once a month and I used to rarely call out.
Eventually I got that promotion, and I thought I would be happier at that position since I seemed to enjoy it more than cashiering, but that wasn't 100% the case. One day after having a disagreement with one of my managers after just having some issues with another manager the previous week, I broke down and actually almost quit. While I was about to write a letter putting in my two weeks notice, I came to the realization that I was happy when working part time there and never called out and usually stayed late when asked or come in when others called out. I didn't have these major issues with anxiety and was less irritable then. It's just over time spending 40 hours a week working retail with social anxiety was starting to take it's toll. I felt like I was losing who I was and the job was turning me into this ugly person I didn't want to be. I never had time to work on my dreams, and when I did, I was too exhausted to. On top of that I was having off and on depression and at its worst, thoughts of suicide. It finally came to the point where the good money I was making was no longer the most important thing to me: my mental health was.
So here I am now, taking a leap of faith and going down to part time. My boss was really supportive of me going down to part time and seeking help. I even volunteered to stay full time until they could hire another head cashier because two recently left and we have a shortage of head cashiers, but he insisted that I go down part time sooner rather than later and that me getting better was more of a priority to him. Actually, I've had an outpouring of support from family and friends. It's their support that reminds me that I made the right choice. To be honest, this is the scariest thing I ever done. Luckily right now my sister in law is staying with us so we have a third income, but I'm scared of how tight things are going to be once she leaves and getting adjusted to having less extra spending money. We can still pay our bills, it's just seeing how much less we will have after bills can be a little scary, but me and Josh have had less to work with before. And Wednesday I finally went to see a therapist and am seeking treatment.
So in the next coming months, I am going to be more active on here with my art, as well as finally working on my novel. It's bad when all you get done in two and a half years is three chapters. Hopefully by the beginning of next winter I will have it done, proofread by my editors (my husband and one of my best friends) and ready for publishing. I'm looking forward to finally having the time to work on what brings me so much passion and joy in life!
I want to rebuild my fan base as well as eventually open up commissions. I'll probably be working on some fan art to draw more people in, since often times when I made successful fan art I have people ask me about commissions. In the past I had to say no because I barely had any time to work on my own projects, but once I become more mentally ground, I will finally open them up again. I am also planning on looking into voice acting gigs. So stay tuned! ^_^
And thank you for all my watchers who are still with me, even with the progress of my art slowing down and with me ending the production of Demon Battles (for now). I greatly appreciate you guys!
I was not intending to dump all that I did into this one journal. I originally planned on typing a lot less and not get as personal with the details. Sorry to dump this all on you guys.
Four months into working full time, that's when my issues with anxiety at work began. I was struggling to juggle working on my artwork and writing, as well as working full time. I felt like the job was starting to consume my life. Right after clocking in one day, non provoke I started crying and couldn't stop. I had to be sent home. My supervisor who struggled with anxiety told me I had anxiety and should seek help. Needless to say, I didn't really listen and tried to tackle the issue on my own. I was doing fine at first, until more issues started popping up. I was extremely irritable at work and hated being there. I thought I was just stressed and needed a vacation, but while on vacation the reality hit me that I was depressed (and in denial about it), mainly about work and still struggling to find energy and time to work on what I love. I felt like I was losing my creativity...who I am. On what was supposed to be a fun getaway, my mind went to a really dark place. This time I seriously started seeking help, but it was hard to find a place that would accept me. Most places I looked into either had no openings, only had pediatric behavioral health programs, or only did behavioral health for substance abusers. I just gave up and instead researched on how to cope with anxiety.
Once again, for a while I was doing well. I was even training for a head cashier position. It took me a while to get it because I needed to grow "tougher skin" as my supervisors/managers put it. Then I was going through a roller coaster of ups and downs. I had longer periods of highs, but when the lows hit, they hit harder and harder each time. I was going through a lot of personal stuff, as well as a lot of the coworkers who I was close to and who supported me the most leaving, and drama arising with a couple of new associates (one eventually quit and the other transferred to another store). As well as one of the head cashiers I was closes to and one of my biggest supporters passing away. I was starting to take personal days once a month and I used to rarely call out.
Eventually I got that promotion, and I thought I would be happier at that position since I seemed to enjoy it more than cashiering, but that wasn't 100% the case. One day after having a disagreement with one of my managers after just having some issues with another manager the previous week, I broke down and actually almost quit. While I was about to write a letter putting in my two weeks notice, I came to the realization that I was happy when working part time there and never called out and usually stayed late when asked or come in when others called out. I didn't have these major issues with anxiety and was less irritable then. It's just over time spending 40 hours a week working retail with social anxiety was starting to take it's toll. I felt like I was losing who I was and the job was turning me into this ugly person I didn't want to be. I never had time to work on my dreams, and when I did, I was too exhausted to. On top of that I was having off and on depression and at its worst, thoughts of suicide. It finally came to the point where the good money I was making was no longer the most important thing to me: my mental health was.
So here I am now, taking a leap of faith and going down to part time. My boss was really supportive of me going down to part time and seeking help. I even volunteered to stay full time until they could hire another head cashier because two recently left and we have a shortage of head cashiers, but he insisted that I go down part time sooner rather than later and that me getting better was more of a priority to him. Actually, I've had an outpouring of support from family and friends. It's their support that reminds me that I made the right choice. To be honest, this is the scariest thing I ever done. Luckily right now my sister in law is staying with us so we have a third income, but I'm scared of how tight things are going to be once she leaves and getting adjusted to having less extra spending money. We can still pay our bills, it's just seeing how much less we will have after bills can be a little scary, but me and Josh have had less to work with before. And Wednesday I finally went to see a therapist and am seeking treatment.
So in the next coming months, I am going to be more active on here with my art, as well as finally working on my novel. It's bad when all you get done in two and a half years is three chapters. Hopefully by the beginning of next winter I will have it done, proofread by my editors (my husband and one of my best friends) and ready for publishing. I'm looking forward to finally having the time to work on what brings me so much passion and joy in life!
I want to rebuild my fan base as well as eventually open up commissions. I'll probably be working on some fan art to draw more people in, since often times when I made successful fan art I have people ask me about commissions. In the past I had to say no because I barely had any time to work on my own projects, but once I become more mentally ground, I will finally open them up again. I am also planning on looking into voice acting gigs. So stay tuned! ^_^
And thank you for all my watchers who are still with me, even with the progress of my art slowing down and with me ending the production of Demon Battles (for now). I greatly appreciate you guys!
I was not intending to dump all that I did into this one journal. I originally planned on typing a lot less and not get as personal with the details. Sorry to dump this all on you guys.
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Revamping my Tumblr Account
1 min read
Going to leave this here, just in case anyone is interested: fabulous-gabulous-theartist.tu…
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Art Feature!
3 min read
The first ten people to comment on this journal, I will put their avatar and the three deviations I like the most from their gallery on the list! If you comment, you have to make a journal like this and do the same thing, putting me in the first spot. The idea of this is not to get a free feature, it is to spread art around for everyone! If you don't re-do it you will be taken off the list.1.
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Putting Demon Battles on Hold...
1 min read
Looks like I have kind of lost heart in Demon Battles lately. I just feel like I've lost my direction with it and I feel it needs to be reworked, like a lot. Also, I don't really have the time for a full blown comic. It would probably be years before I pick up this project again. So sorry everyone.
So instead now I would working on my new series "Surreal Dystopia". It's going to be a light novel, so I would probably only post the first chapter on here as well as illustrations. And Surreal Dystopia has really been on my heart and my mind more lately. Also I have a better sense of how I want it to be written (with Demon Battles I feel like some of the themes were forced, but not so much with this series). I'm also going to try to develop it more thoroughly with my co-writer and hubby, Josh.
I've also been working on a mini, slice of life comic about everyday life.
So instead now I would working on my new series "Surreal Dystopia". It's going to be a light novel, so I would probably only post the first chapter on here as well as illustrations. And Surreal Dystopia has really been on my heart and my mind more lately. Also I have a better sense of how I want it to be written (with Demon Battles I feel like some of the themes were forced, but not so much with this series). I'm also going to try to develop it more thoroughly with my co-writer and hubby, Josh.
I've also been working on a mini, slice of life comic about everyday life.
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